For a single lady, you dare to air out sexual topics for open and mature discussion. I admire your professional approach.

For me personally, I do not feel embarrassed but rather think other people might feel embarrassed while talking about this.

Let’s maintain this site for politcal, social forum first and foremost. Otherwise YB’s site is gonn be categorised as porn site again

KS,

I think our most Malaysian women do not fully appreciate theirs and men’s sexuality. Just came back from Singapore and their bookshops like Borders and Kinokuniya boast a section of books on sexuality, including books on “how to” techniques. Sex toys like vibrators, fake vagina are sold openly at Orchard Road.

This points to an Asia society that openly accept their sexuality as a normal function. They also seek enjoyment from their sexuality to enrcich their life - another sign of material and economcal success that leads to a different level of demand.

I think sexual education is the way to go. Later, perhaps with some more liberation , for example sex toy shops but legal brothels for the noon-muslims? That’s a tough topic to crack. What I can say is that in Singapore now, all 3 are available.

As for my “creative” solution mentioned earlier, a wife who is not interested in penetrative sex can resort to providing oral or ma handjob to the husband.
ALternately, the husband should evaluate whether he has done enough to stimualte his wife or buy some lubricants for her. In some instance, she may need hormone treatment for menopause. As long as both care for each other, an alternative can be found. It’s only that in Malaysia, we do not have such items available in the market for willing paying customers.

For example, in Hong Kong’s Watson, such things are available; condoms exclusively for oral sex, 3 types of vibrators, more choices for personal lubricants etc. Such things can actually help in our publics’ sexual well being.

Looking at Nurin’s case, we still have a long long way to go.

First of all, it is nice to have some kind of debate as my earlier comment was lamenting on the lack of it and I was trying to provoke some comments. I actually admit in my second letter that having read my earlier one, I might come across as someone who is in favour of a man demanding his conjugal rights and might even support “physical violence” in doing so. Far from it. I detest violence in any form and I fully support the notion that those who use violence to get sex should be punished.

What I am concerned about is the possibility of women crying rape, if all else fail, and a husband might face a jail sentence. Hopefully, this is just my imagination and only those obvious cases get conviction.

What I am trying to put across which admittedly is rather lame is that our good YB might not be sympathetic to a male’s point of view. There are enough of examples in Parliament where the male chauvinistic pigs took every opportunity to get at the female opposition MPs which riled everyone, including myself. So I am not about to be one of them.

While a woman past menopause is likely to have low libido and she is likely to avoid having sex, the male ego is such that his sexual capability is very important to him (can a woman understand this please?) and sometimes, it is just to prove to himself that he is still potent! The fact that Viagra is so successful, in a way proves that sex to men is still a very important factor in life and there is no shortage of research into improving women’s libido and sexual satisfaction too. There is also a law, which provides for annulment of marriage where there was no consummation for a period of two years and it could be because of either spouse.

There is a myriad of variables in marital problems, of which sexual compatibility is one of them, and even that alone, has many different circumstances.

I will try to highlight a specific example of how a husband can be frustrated and to those who are less educated or lack self-control, could lead to violence in a marriage. It has also to do with men’s expectation in our society, rightly or wrongly, within a marriage.

Imagine a marital situation in which divorce is not an option because of ‘face’, children’s sake and avoidance of hassle in disentangling many years of financial and other matters.
The husband wishes to have sex occasionally but the wife is so put off that she does not allow him to even touch her and preferred to sleep by herself. He happens to be religious and has never visited a prostitute nor got involved in any extra-marital affairs. There was no other problems other than his sexual needs. I think only a man will understand the feeling of frustration of being with a wife who insists on no romance as it will lead to sex which she hates! At least a eunuch is physically incapable and he does not look forward to sex.

I happened to watch a Hong Kong serial recently. The son planned a cruise for his divorced parents hoping that they might reconcile. Later in the evening when it was time for bed, the man asked his ex-wife whether she is ready for bed. She gave an excuse that she is not sleepy and would like to sing karaoke. The man said he would go to bed first. Naturally he could not sleep and he looked at his watch a few times. By 3 am or so, he decided to check for himself and was so disappointed to find his ex-wife fast asleep on the settee in a karaoke room. The next day, the man admitted that there was no hope in reconciliation and the wife actually said she tried very hard but just could not be with him.

I mentioned this scenario to a few friends and the men’s views were distinctly different from women’s, which makes me conclude that due to our biological and other differences we can never agree on certain things.

The men tend to think in physical terms referring to the few minutes of sex while the women said since there is no love between them, no way she should go through with it!

I hope YB does not take my earlier comment too seriously as I value her tireless contributions as a lawmaker too. Knowing her, she will probably laugh out loud!

(PS:had difficulty posting this using streamyx)

“For example, you are single, so how would you know the feelings of a married couple in their daily lives?”

KS Ong do have a valid point and really, men cannot design and sell bras going by this logic.

I remember YB’s article on hyandjob a few months back and I admired her professionalism in bringing out a embarrassing topic to mention, for many men let alone a single lady.

I would say YB would side with the principle of protecting women. A good marriage is built on sex but if the woman cannot give the man a satisfactory sex life, it is up to the couple to find the solution and that solution cannot be unilateral, i.e.husband forcing sex on the wife.

Solutions can be creative and I am sure if the 2 look hard enough, a solution can be found. After all, marriage is about solving problems together.

For the record, I am a married man.

From conversations among friends in their fifties, the most common problem seems to be the wife’s lack of interest in sex as a result of menopause, resulting in couples sleeping in separate beds, separate rooms or even one upstairs and the other downstairs! While women in western countries go for hormonal treatment, Asians tend to let it be and the husbands are left frustrated.
Some would go to Thailand, others go for the many China dolls locally, even keeping them as mistresses. So where does that leave a good husband? Imagine living with a wife but cannot touch her then you get the feel.

I was told Muslim women tend to feel insecure because their husbands are likely and legally can have up to four wives. They tend to be more accommodating to their husbands’ sexual needs to prevent them from going astray.

I can foresee the problem of wives taking husbands to court for marital rape, as an added option, whenever a relationship turns sour.

- just look at the High Court decision published in the Sun today on setting aside the case made by Nathaniel Tan’s appeal to to revise his 4 days remand in July.

The Honourable Justice Datuk Mohamad Zabidin Mohd Diah mentioned that since Mister Tan is already released there is no need to review the validity of the police action in detaining him in the first place. The Honourable Justice did not deny he was detained, though.

Correct me if I am wrong. Does this not equal to some airport cheif saying “since we cleaned up the runaway, pack up the body parts and bury them, we need not look for the black box to find out what happen in case something similiar in future happens?”

Oh another thing. On 14th October (SUnday)around 9am, I walked pass this hawker centre called “BoBo” at Jalan Genting Kelang, Setapak. The Chinese hawkers were busy picking up smashed items and cleaning up a mess. They told me DBKL passed by yesterday.

The next Monday, I read in the Oriental Daily that about 100 DBKL personnel rounded up the hawkers in the centre and using high handed techniques. Most of the stalls are within the premises of a corner shoplot, admittedly under an extended oining and do not block traffic but their chairs and table come onto the pavement/dividers.

Just a stone throw away. There are Malay hawkers spreading out their stores and tables and chairs onto the parking lot after 7pm every night. Taking up drive ways and parking lots. The newspaper reported that these people were left unmolested.

I am not fanning racist sentiment here but just relating some lop-sided enforcement procedures. Go ask the hawkers at “BoBo” if such a thing happen on 13th October 2007

Waterman
Paris